Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
