on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
