peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
