At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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