The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
