Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She has the best kind of daddy issues
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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