I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
