So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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