Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
