I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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