Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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