I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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