Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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