i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize