Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
