At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she peed on how many people?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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