y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
