Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
