You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
