Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
