Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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