im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
