id be glad to
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
