You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
