my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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