your thong is hanging out like whoa
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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