how hairy? two words: wookie tits
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
