Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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