I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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