he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
