Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
