I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
