at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
