Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
