Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Nobody cheats on THIS.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
