apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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