I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
