Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
