Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize