It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Welp...herpes.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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