I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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