Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize