if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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