tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
