why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm at about main and main street
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
