We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
