it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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