apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
