So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
