went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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