I bet he comes in French.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
