You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
