he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
