I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
even my farts smell like vagina
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
