accomplished twins. life is a go
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
