I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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