I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
