he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
as a side note pls kill me
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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