I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
