i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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