i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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