this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
