we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
