I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
