Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
