There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
