true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
