somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
