i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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