I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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