I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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