I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
what day is it and did you see me today?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
