lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
