Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
