I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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