hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
