lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
