you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
