i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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