dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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