I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
