I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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