im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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