Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize