My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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