Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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