you would pick up someone in the library
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
