Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
